Bayonetta: Unbalanced Scales
by Skittzipoo
Summary: Jubileus has been destroyed and the balance of the realities pretty much remains the same as it was. Not very balanced at all. But something's off, and it's up to Bayonetta to investigate a new bread of Laguna threatening to tip the scales in their favor. - Language & Adult Themes
1. Chapter 1

_**Bayonetta: Unbalanced Scales**_

**Introduction:**

"Enzo darling, you look ridiculous," the Umbran Witch cooed while peering at the stout man from over her glasses. He really did look ridiculous in his Sunday finest. He could almost pass himself off as a proper usher. Almost. Bayonetta didn't like to get herself involved in her informant's personal affairs, but she knew him long enough to know that he had no business dressing up and going to church.

"Dammit, woman you scared the shit out of me!" he squawked. He stumbled backward, nearly knocking over various stools around the dimly illuminated bar.

"Ah, ah, Enzo, watch that potty mouth of yours. You're a holy man now," Bayonetta teased as she leaned her elbows against the smooth stone counter of the bar. A smirk twisted the corners of her plush lips, causing her eyes to morph into a slightly playful gaze.

"She's right you know," Rodin chimed in from behind the bar. He held a crystal tumbler in one hand and a cloth rag in the other, a common sight. He was always cleaning his glasses, though Bayonetta was never around when there were other patrons to the bar. "If you don't straighten out, you'll never work off all the debt you owe me."

"R-Rodin," Enzo stuttered as he tried to straighten himself out. He brushed off his shoulders and nervously examined his many rings to make sure they were all in their proper place. After he adjusted what little hair did remain on top of his head he stood up and approached the bar, just barely able to look over it.

"No whining either Enzo," Bayonetta chimed in with a gentle pat on Enzo's shoulder. "Holy men do what they're told."

"I don't need a lesson in holy from you!" he snapped back. "You're the whole reason I need to swindle these guys anyway! You know how much it's gonna cost to fix that car?"

"Still carrying on about that are we?" the witch sighed, suddenly bored with teasing the little fraud. Too easy to agitate and he carried on for far too long.

"You bet your pretty little bun I am! It costs me a fortune to haul your sorry ass all over the place!"

"Ah yes, I'll recall the price of my transportation as you recall that I have delivered your worthless backside from harm on multiple occasions," she retorted. "If I were more knowledgeable on the subject of modern day economics, I'd say you are in debt to me."

She had not mentioned a drink to Rodin but when she reached out her fingers as if to grab the stem of a glass there was one in front of her. It was filled with a sweet yet strong concoction that Rodin lovingly called the "Umbran Bitch." It had become a favorite of Bayonetta's.

"Enough bickering," Rodin interrupted curtly as he set down the glass he was wiping and picked up another. "You better run along now or you're going to miss mass again. You know how the old biddies like to be early."

"Always rushing me, Rodin," Enzo muttered to himself as he shuffled away from the bar, off to pass around the collection plate while stuffing a few spare singles in his wallet.

Now Rodin and Bayonetta, a fallen angel and a half-blood witch, were alone in the Gates of Hell. What a pair.

"Anything exciting for me, Rodin?" Bayonetta sighed, already on her second glass of the Bitch. "I'm getting a little tired of my old toys."

"Sorry babe, business is slow," the hefty demon replied. Through his dark shades he glanced at the woman seated before him. "Shortage of halos going around, and you haven't been out much to bring me any."

"Dreadful, I know. I haven't gone out to play in such a long time. It's no fun. Surely the masses of those ugly things would be hunting me down after I cremated their precious Creator," the witch sighed as she inspected the lenses of her glasses. "I was looking forward to it, in fact."

"Well I don't know what's going down. Inferno's quite, too. You just better watch yourself."

"I don't need a nanny, Rodin."

"Oh you don't, do you?" called a familiar voice from the other end of the room. The echo of heels clacking against the stone floor of the bar gave Jeanne away as she approached the counter beside Bayonetta. "I seem to recall a certain someone needing a bit of guidance on their journey to save the world."

"Jeanne, we didn't save the world, just had a little fun exterminating some pests," Bayonetta said with a bit of a chuckle as she settled her glasses back on her nose.

"Perhaps," Jeanne muttered as she sat in a stool beside Bayonetta. An empty tumbler and bottle of vodka was placed before her instantly. "You still need to watch yourself. Even my previous power over the Laguna wouldn't be of any help."

"Yes, mummy dearest, I'll be sure to be a good girl," Bayonetta mocked as she suddenly stood up from her stool.

"Where are you going?" Jeanne asked a little too quickly.

"I haven't fooled around with Cheshire in a while. I was thinking of paying him a visit," Bayonetta replied as she walked coolly away from the bar. In a bright flash of purple light she was gone.

"She better watch herself with that guy," Rodin snorted as he poured vodka and some sort of demonic flavoring into the glass before Jeanne. He topped it off with a yellow colored lollipop. "Witches have no right to be messin' around with the lives of humans like that. It ain't right."

"She'll do as she pleases," Jeanne sighed before downing her entire drink in one swig. "She always has. It's admirable. And annoying."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One:**

Luka and Bayonetta stared at one another hard. Actually, Bayonetta was staring at Luka stare at himself in his bathroom mirror. She stood directly behind him, in Purgatorio, completely invisible to him. She was actually rather amused watching the man admire himself in the mirror. He wasn't shy when it came to his opinion of himself but seeing him in his natural habitat somehow made it more humorous.

When she entered the shabby apartment in residential Vigrid she expected the little Cheshire puss to still be in bed as it was fairly early in the morning. Leave it to Cheshire to get up at the crack of dawn to make sure he looks good for his awaiting public.

"Ah, Clarise," he spoke at last, breaking his trance-like stare with his reflection. He picked up a comb off the porcelain sink, ran it under warm water for a moment, and began to tame his unruly bedhead. "So lovely…"

"If I didn't know any better-" Bayonetta whispered into the journalist's ear.

"Ahh!" he shrieked and stumbled forward, banging his head on the medicine cabinet.

"I'd say Clarise has just left, judging by the state of your hair," Bayonetta continued smoothly. An invisible smirk painted itself across her lips.

"Ever heard of this thing called privacy, or trespassing?" Luka whined as he stood up and rubbed his temple. He looked frantically about in an attempt to find the source of the breathy voice. "They're pretty serious issues in this century."

"Grumpy as ever, my little Cheshire puss," the witch cooed as she slowly emerged from a portal visible only to her. Her reflection faded into clarity on the glass of the medicine cabinet mirror. "Aren't warm welcomes to old friends serious issues in this century, too?"

"Usually old friends are expected and don't just show up out of the blue," Luka groaned as he shot an annoyed glance at the woman behind him. "Besides I wouldn't really call you a friend anyway."

"Come now, Cheshire, I'm hurt," Bayonetta cooed with a melodramatic pout. She took a step forward and leaned against him, trailing her gloved finger along his bare arm. Her chest pressed ever so slightly against the smooth skin of his naked back. "Even after all the fun we've had?"

He backed away from her touch and resumed combing his hair. His initial annoyance with her sudden arrival had faded and now he just regarded her with minor annoyance. She was always doing this to him. "I'll have you know that I would never consider all of that 'fun'."

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself," the witch whispered coolly.

"Sure, driving tanks was fun, but running around almost getting myself killed and flung about by missiles is not exactly my favorite past time," Luka grumbled as he finally managed to pull back his hair in an orderly manner. Loose tendrils managed to fall and hang daintily around his face.

"You know that's not what I meant," Bayonetta cooed, resting her chin on Luka's shoulder. Her cloudy eyes peered straight through the lenses of her glasses and fixated on Luka's reflection in the mirror. His naked torso was certainly something worth looking at, but her eyes never broke from his own.

The two now really were staring at one another in the mirror. The witch's eyes were playful and seductive while the journalist's eyes were mixed with hesitation and annoyance. After a moment he sighed and jerked his shoulder out from under the slight weight of Bayonetta's chin.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled roughly under his breath as he turned and left the small bathroom. He moved out of the bathroom and into his bedroom while Bayonetta remained standing where she was. Through the mirror she watched him move to his dresser and begin changing out of his sleepwear and into his normal attire for the day: dark trousers, a light undershirt with a vest over top. His scarf and jacket hung neatly on the closet door and his boots stood rigid on the side of his bed.

Only once did Luka glance over his shoulder and meet the gaze of the witch in the mirror. He stood still for a moment, his fingers nimbly working the buttons on his shirt as he gazed at Bayonetta. A few seconds of silence slipped between them before he went about dressing himself.

"Why are you here anyway?" Luka sighed at last. "I assume there's some sort of reason."

"My my, Cheshire. You really don't think much of me, do you?"

"Well, come on. I know you're not the type for casual friendly visits," Luka explained as be began to pack up his messenger bag. Slowly, Bayonetta emerged from the bathroom and stood in the doorway, leaning her shoulder against it. Curiously she eyed the journalist, looking to gauge his reaction.

"You think you know me, Cheshire?"

"I'd like to think I know a bit more than I used to."

"Well," Bayonetta sighed at length. She stepped into Luka's bedroom, shifted her weight to one heel, and crossed her arms over her chest in the way that she was most comfortable. "You're right."

"Ha, I knew it! It's always something with you! What is it? Need me to babysit some other alter ego of yours? Want me to run around and be a distraction for you? I mean I can always-"

"Cheshire!" Bayonetta spat suddenly. "Are you going to listen to me or not?"

"Well, I…" Luka started but then stopped upon seeing the stern look in the woman's eyes. He cleared his throat and turned his head down as if preoccupied by the contents of his bag. When he didn't say anything else, Bayonetta continued.

"Enzo's been looking into something for me," she began. "Even Rodin has noticed things have been a bit odd around here lately. Not in Vigrid, but close by. Have you heard of a village called Sanctus?"

"Who hasn't?" Luka finally said after deeming it acceptable to speak. "I mean that place has been around for centuries but has gone unnoticed for most of them. The only thing worth mentioning about it is that in the center of it there's a very old, very large church. No one really lives there save for some older folk that move there for religious tranquility or some garbage like that."

"This is what I like about you, Cheshire. You always just spit out whatever knowledge you have even when I don't ask for it," Bayonetta said with a smirk.

"Hey, I don't! I mean… you asked me if I heard of it!"

"Calm down, Cheshire, I'm only teasing."

"It's LUKA! I've told you enough times," the frustrated journalist mumbled. He looked up at the woman with a stern pout plastered onto his face.

"What else do you know?" Bayonetta asked, ignoring Luka's outburst.

"That's about it, honestly," he sighed as he continued to sift through his notes in his bag. "There's not much else to tell. Nothing special really happens there. At least, not that I'm aware of. Why?"

"Is that so," the witch mumbled to herself as her gaze found its way to a small window beside Luka's bed. It remained there while Luka's gaze found its way to Bayonetta's face. The two remained staring at their separate targets for quite some time. It took Luka's eyes a moment to adjust and realize that suddenly their target was no longer there.

He blinked a few times and finally registered the fact that Bayonetta no longer stood in front of him. In fact, he was fairly certain that the witch was no longer in his apartment at all. He looked quickly to the window but it was shut tight, as it was a moment ago. He made a quick search around the apartment and found no trace of her. As elusively as she had entered, she had gone.

"Speak of the devil and she shall appear!" Jeanne called as Bayonetta came slowly back into the light of the Gates of Hell. Jeanne had a tumbler in her hand and was leaning her back against the bar. She appeared to be alone.

"Who exactly were you speaking of me to?" Bayonetta questioned as she approached the bar. She swiveled her hips around the seat beside her Umbran sister and leaned back casually, eyeing Jeanne curiously all the while.

"It matters not," Jeanne muttered before finishing off her drink in one final swig. "You sure took your sweet time though. Fooling around?"

"Why does everyone insist on thinking the worst of me?" Bayonetta droned with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hand. "I visited Cheshire on honest business, no need to get so offended."

"I think he's a waste of our time," Jeanne spat as she swung around on her stool and placed the small glass on the counter before her. "He's not useful to us anymore. Leave him be."

"On the contrary, he informed me of quite a bit."

"Tch, we'll see," Jeanne muttered. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around Bayonetta as if to support herself. Her head rested against Bayonetta's shoulders. "He's just a silly human."

"Don't underestimate them, Jeanne," Bayonetta sighed, and suddenly she began to stare at nothing in particular. Her hand absentmindedly crept up Jeanne's side and rested atop her head where she stroked her hair gently. "Come now, you're drunk. Let's get you to your room."


End file.
